The Big Fat Indian (Mallu) Wedding

The Wedding Season - I bet you did not know there's such a season- starts in Kerala as soon as Christmas is over. It sometimes extends right up to the middle of February. Then, it's like somebody turned off the tap and all social activity seems to come to an end till after Easter, sometime in April.

The Lent, before Easter starts then, and for 50 days, people again go off meat, fish, sweets liquor etc, to loose weight, as I've said before, I think. There are still a few hardy souls who do hold functions during this time, but most of them are NRI's who generally cannot organise their vacations to suit the regular Wedding Season.

The normal Mallu wedding would have about a 1000 guests  - I didn't think most knew that many people. Anyway, invitations are sent to everybody in the address book, to all relations, friends and friends of friends. It's amazing how many relations one seems to have when it comes to a wedding in the family - most of whom one has never seen or met and most likely will not do so again.

Most Mallu ladies have this common refrain -" you men can wear the same white dhoti (mundu) and white/blue shirt for both a wedding and a funeral and get away with it. We on the other hand have to be all decked up in our best Saris and jewellery. It's just not fair." It's a man's world in the land of the "lungi" for sure.

The weddings start from the 25th onwards. Sometimes, there are 2 weddings on the same day If you plan your schedule carefully, you can shut down the kitchen in your house for days on end. Unfortunately, if the caterer is the same, then you'll be eating the same food at all the weddings.

My brother & I once put forth this theory to our mother - we spend a minimum of Rs.500/- to attend a wedding - travelling & other sundry expenses. (early 1980's) Of the roughly 1000 people invited to a wedding, only about 200 or so, are keen on attending. The rest attend more as a social obligation & with ill grace. The 800 or so, I'm sure, would gladly send Rs.500/- to the couple, and with their genuine blessings. This amount should be enough to start the newly weds on their way.

My mother didn't fall for it!! Her take on it was quite different - I still have children who need to get married, and these weddings are the perfect place to put them on display for prospective In laws to check them out. This was way before the days of the ubiquitous "Marriage portals."

I'm now getting to the stage where my children will soon get married. In todays "I'll find my own soul mate" times, our above theory still holds good.

IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

Double Faults

What would be the equivalent of the "19th hole" for a tennis player? Double fault, Foot fault, The Net. Doubles? I think I'll go with  "Double".

The Veterans Tennis circuit has started - finally - with the first of many, being held over the last weekend, at Kottayam. It was a grand affair with about 90 entries, in various age groups, in both singles and doubles.

It was in 1999, while a ranking Tennis Tournament for juniors was being held at the Mundakayam Club, that it was decided to hold a Veterans Tennis Tournament along with this. There has been no looking back since then, and the tournament has gone from strength to strength - both in terms of popularity and numbers.

Initially, the idea was that the Tournament would be held only once a year, on a rotational basis, in the various districts of Kerala. The tournament has grown in such popularity, that, now, there are tournaments held almost every month, starting normally, from November onwards.

Most people fight tooth and nail against ageing - being called Uncle/Aunty - but not the tennis player it seems. The Veterans were meant to be 45+ years onwards only. But the 35+ were adamant that they also be included in the Veterans circuit, so now over the last 2 years they have also been included in the circuit, and presumably are being called Ungle/Aundy. Kottayam had a first, in that, we had the first lady entry - hope many more will now join in.

The various age groups are from 35-45, 45 - 55, 55-65 and 65 years and upwards. One might be forgiven for thinking, how many could there be from 65 upwards, but let me assure you that there are quite a few - some 80+ also. It is also one of the most hotly contested groups - cantankerous at times, but all forgotten after the match at the "Double". All the Tournament organisers have now had to study/learn the rules of Tennis.

The Mundakayam Tournament, (conducted by the Idukki District Tennis Association) I'm sure all my other Veteran friends will agree, has become the most popular one on the circuit. It's normally held in February every year. Even if other districts don't hold the tournament every year, all the veterans are of the unanimous opinion that the Mundakayam tournament be held every year. Organisers from Mundakayam are a bit foxed on why this is so. Could it be the "Double" at Mundakayam?

The Mundakayam Club, where the tournament is held, is celebrating it's Centenary Year, this year, and so this tournament promises to be a memorable one.

All are invited to make this a "DOUBLE".

Festive Season

The festive season is here again!!

Shops in Kerala are full of Santa Claus outfits and stars, the bakeries are stuffed with plum cakes, and most catholics are on "Lent". People swear off meat, sweets, liquor, and all sorts of things for 24 days - more in the hope of losing some weight before the actual festivities begin, than for any religious reason, I think.

I thought this would be the perfect time to share this X'Mas cake recipe that was sent to me years ago by a friend and one that I have been religiously trying out:

You'll need, a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit. a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt,a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality.

 Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink again -- repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large bowl. Add one spoonfull of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still O.K. Try another cup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.

Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one babblespoon of drown sugar, or whatever colour you can find. Wix mell. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 greedees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

Wohonny Jalker.

Never fails - try it!!