A Dogs Life

One overhears many people lamenting, that they lead a "dog's life". Frankly, I have no idea what they are complaining about. Not if they lead anything like the life my dog does.

Whisky

That's my dog "Whisky", or more accurately, my wife's dog. He leads a pampered life in my home, and nobody in my family will dispute that. The entire family is at his beck and call, and he will not tolerate any tardiness on the part of anybody when he needs something.

He sleeps in our bedroom, and I am normally up by 6 am to let him out. There are days when he decides he's going to sleep in, and if I try to wake him, to let him out, he give me this look as if to say " whats with you - it's still dark outside." On the days when I have had a good time at either the 19th Hole or the Double, will be the day when he decides he wants to be let out at 5am.

                                                 

He lets my wife sleep though - maybe it's because she is the one who feeds him, and he certainly seems to know that he should not bite/disturb the hand that feeds him.

                                                              

My wife has now changed his name to Whiskers. She claims it suits him better. My take on that is, it's because people started looking at her strangely, as she was constantly calling for Whisky, any time of the day or night.

Having a dog is endless hours of fun and entertainment. He is not the least bit bothered if you come home late, sober or inebriated, in a bad mood or good, he will be there to give you a very warm welcome always.

I strongly recommend everyone gets one, it's a great LIFE.




                                                  

Cold Turkey

Let me start with wishing you all a very Happy & Prosperous New Year!

I think I can safely state that most of us are still slightly hungover after the festivities over Christmas & New Year. I know I am. I had a houseful, over the New Year, with my wife's family staying with us.

It was quite wonderful having the house full of people after such a long time. Being one of 7 siblings, my memories of the holidays, was always one of the house being full of people and noise.

The Americans, who probably introduced us to Turkey for Christmas, have a lot to answer for, as the following pictures will show.

 

Carving the Turkey

Wrestling with the Turkey

I started off carving the Turkey the traditional way, (after watching innumerable video's on you tube on how to carve it) and finally resorted to the Mallu way - fight over the leg with all. Between the Brother's-in-law, we managed to carve the Turkey to feed everyone, and thought we had done a pretty reasonable job of getting all the meat off. The bare bones were then despatched to the kitchen to be thrown away. Imagine our chagrin, when the maid came back with a plate piled high with more Turkey meat!

Moral of the story: Always do it your own way!

The Mundakayam Club kicked off it's centenary celebrations with a spectacular New Year's party.
The  Club was rocking to the music of "DJ Paul from Dubai" ably assisted by our very own desi DJ's. There was a dazzling fire works display too.

 The 19th Hole for the golfers, and the Double for the tennis players, hasn't seen much activity, over the last few weeks, for obvious reasons. We hope to rectify that shortly, and will soon get back to you with more on that.

Till then, with best wishes that the New Year will see you at the 19th or the Double more often, and that the glass will always be full.

The Big Fat Indian (Mallu) Wedding

The Wedding Season - I bet you did not know there's such a season- starts in Kerala as soon as Christmas is over. It sometimes extends right up to the middle of February. Then, it's like somebody turned off the tap and all social activity seems to come to an end till after Easter, sometime in April.

The Lent, before Easter starts then, and for 50 days, people again go off meat, fish, sweets liquor etc, to loose weight, as I've said before, I think. There are still a few hardy souls who do hold functions during this time, but most of them are NRI's who generally cannot organise their vacations to suit the regular Wedding Season.

The normal Mallu wedding would have about a 1000 guests  - I didn't think most knew that many people. Anyway, invitations are sent to everybody in the address book, to all relations, friends and friends of friends. It's amazing how many relations one seems to have when it comes to a wedding in the family - most of whom one has never seen or met and most likely will not do so again.

Most Mallu ladies have this common refrain -" you men can wear the same white dhoti (mundu) and white/blue shirt for both a wedding and a funeral and get away with it. We on the other hand have to be all decked up in our best Saris and jewellery. It's just not fair." It's a man's world in the land of the "lungi" for sure.

The weddings start from the 25th onwards. Sometimes, there are 2 weddings on the same day If you plan your schedule carefully, you can shut down the kitchen in your house for days on end. Unfortunately, if the caterer is the same, then you'll be eating the same food at all the weddings.

My brother & I once put forth this theory to our mother - we spend a minimum of Rs.500/- to attend a wedding - travelling & other sundry expenses. (early 1980's) Of the roughly 1000 people invited to a wedding, only about 200 or so, are keen on attending. The rest attend more as a social obligation & with ill grace. The 800 or so, I'm sure, would gladly send Rs.500/- to the couple, and with their genuine blessings. This amount should be enough to start the newly weds on their way.

My mother didn't fall for it!! Her take on it was quite different - I still have children who need to get married, and these weddings are the perfect place to put them on display for prospective In laws to check them out. This was way before the days of the ubiquitous "Marriage portals."

I'm now getting to the stage where my children will soon get married. In todays "I'll find my own soul mate" times, our above theory still holds good.

IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

Double Faults

What would be the equivalent of the "19th hole" for a tennis player? Double fault, Foot fault, The Net. Doubles? I think I'll go with  "Double".

The Veterans Tennis circuit has started - finally - with the first of many, being held over the last weekend, at Kottayam. It was a grand affair with about 90 entries, in various age groups, in both singles and doubles.

It was in 1999, while a ranking Tennis Tournament for juniors was being held at the Mundakayam Club, that it was decided to hold a Veterans Tennis Tournament along with this. There has been no looking back since then, and the tournament has gone from strength to strength - both in terms of popularity and numbers.

Initially, the idea was that the Tournament would be held only once a year, on a rotational basis, in the various districts of Kerala. The tournament has grown in such popularity, that, now, there are tournaments held almost every month, starting normally, from November onwards.

Most people fight tooth and nail against ageing - being called Uncle/Aunty - but not the tennis player it seems. The Veterans were meant to be 45+ years onwards only. But the 35+ were adamant that they also be included in the Veterans circuit, so now over the last 2 years they have also been included in the circuit, and presumably are being called Ungle/Aundy. Kottayam had a first, in that, we had the first lady entry - hope many more will now join in.

The various age groups are from 35-45, 45 - 55, 55-65 and 65 years and upwards. One might be forgiven for thinking, how many could there be from 65 upwards, but let me assure you that there are quite a few - some 80+ also. It is also one of the most hotly contested groups - cantankerous at times, but all forgotten after the match at the "Double". All the Tournament organisers have now had to study/learn the rules of Tennis.

The Mundakayam Tournament, (conducted by the Idukki District Tennis Association) I'm sure all my other Veteran friends will agree, has become the most popular one on the circuit. It's normally held in February every year. Even if other districts don't hold the tournament every year, all the veterans are of the unanimous opinion that the Mundakayam tournament be held every year. Organisers from Mundakayam are a bit foxed on why this is so. Could it be the "Double" at Mundakayam?

The Mundakayam Club, where the tournament is held, is celebrating it's Centenary Year, this year, and so this tournament promises to be a memorable one.

All are invited to make this a "DOUBLE".

Festive Season

The festive season is here again!!

Shops in Kerala are full of Santa Claus outfits and stars, the bakeries are stuffed with plum cakes, and most catholics are on "Lent". People swear off meat, sweets, liquor, and all sorts of things for 24 days - more in the hope of losing some weight before the actual festivities begin, than for any religious reason, I think.

I thought this would be the perfect time to share this X'Mas cake recipe that was sent to me years ago by a friend and one that I have been religiously trying out:

You'll need, a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit. a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt,a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality.

 Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink again -- repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large bowl. Add one spoonfull of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still O.K. Try another cup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky again to check for tonsisticity.

Next sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one babblespoon of drown sugar, or whatever colour you can find. Wix mell. Grease the oven. Turn the cake pan to 350 greedees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

Wohonny Jalker.

Never fails - try it!!

Work Ethics

Do people in Kerala possess such a quality?

Not if you are a Malayali or Mallu, as we are commonly called, and not if you are working or living in Kerala.

The Mallu, outside Kerala, is considered one of the most industrious and hard working person. What is it about the Mallu in Kerala that makes him one of the laziest and most contradictory/obstructionist worker in the land?

Could it be the outfit he wears? The most common and popular attire here would comprise a white/coloured Dhoti and shirt. The average Mallu spends most of his waking hours tying, retying, folding and unfolding his dhoti. He's got it down to a fine art and he cannot really be faulted for spending so much time getting this just right - decorum is everything after all!! I think it would make an excellent case study in one of the IIM's, on how much time is spent doing this. 

We have been having an enforced holiday for the last 2 days, due to the Bandh calls given by various political parties.This is another area where the Mallu excels. The bandhs are called in such a way that he can be assured of having a very long weekend. This time it's from Saturday to Wednesday. It would  really be far more convenient if the Govt., could in their official calender, publish the days when we will be working.The Kerala High Court has banned bandhs in the state, but the wily Mallu just calls it by another name - hartal/strike.

All the liquor in the State is sold through The Beverages Corporation (Bevco) under Govt., control. After every major holiday season, there are alarming reports in the newspapers on the amount of liquor that has been sold/consumed during that period. The quantity seems to be going up all the time. The Govt., should also publish figures on the sale/consumption during the bandhs.

While the average Mallu is quite a quarrelsome character in the normal course, his behaviour, while standing in queue at the local Bevco outlet has to be seen to be believed!! There are no arguments, nobody jumps the queue, and he even waits patiently, if he's not with friends, till another 3 people turn up. This is so they can combine their funds to buy a bottle - which they will then share quite amicably.

Could the Golfing forefathers have been onto something here? Most busy Golf clubs will not allow you onto the course unless there are four of you. Could this have been the reason?

The Golfer & his Clubs

The golfers at the Peermade club never had the luxury of a coach or a driving range. Most of us were taught the basics of the game by our Seniors, and we have tried to pass on the love of the game to the youngsters too.

I remember the days when we (meaning the present lot of golfers) first started playing golf. We could easily navigate the course with just a 5/6 iron, a pitching wedge and a putter in our bags - since 3 clubs did not really justify lugging around a huge bag, the clubs were more likely carried in our hands.

I must mention that we were allowed on to the course, straight away, with the bare minimum knowledge of how to even swing the club, and also because there were so few golfers, there was no fear that you were going to kill anybody!!

The caddie most likely went ahead of us, just to spot the ball - the ball seemed to have a mind of its own and very seldom went where we wanted it to go those days!

As we got more experienced, we realised that we needed a lot more clubs in our bags, if we wanted to play a proper round of golf. So a whole lot of new clubs were purchased - at no mean cost I might add, and we were all SET!!

To our horror, we now found that our golf scores were getting no better, and we now had 2 caddies. One to carry the bag - filled with the requisite 14 clubs- and another to go ahead to spot the ball. It still had a mind of its own, and still didn't go where we wanted it to go.

This required some very serious introspection, and you guessed it, at the "19th hole"!! The round was then analysed threadbare as to why, with our brand new Driver, we were still only hitting it as far as we were with the trusty old 5/6 iron. Our grip was checked, our swing was analysed, the follow through dissected, and the final conclusion was that we needed new clubs!!!

The jury is still out though on which new club/s we required - a new 5/6 iron, or a complete new set of clubs!!